Present Dichotomies

There are good days and there are bad days. Good moments and bad moments.  Good cups of coffee and bad ones.  Real Italian restaurants and fake, Americanized ones.  Good friends and not so good ones - ones that may even be toxic in your life or others who lift you up in your time of need.  The real question that I struggle with is how to decifer the good from the bad sometimes.  How to make sense of this life.  How to make the right decisions to lead me down the right path. 

Life is a series of choices that I have gotten you both spiritually and physically to this point.  And I sometimes question, did I make the right decisions in the past?  Is this where I'm supposed to be in life?  In DC, working for the government, living up the single life with all of the freedoms and choices that come along with it?  Is there a greater purpose for me being here? 

Well guess what, I surrender.  I surrender my longings for the past and the future and I'm placing everything in the hands of God and trusting that He will lead me along the right path.  I'm going to stop (or at least try my hardest) wrestling and pushing a future that does not exist yet.  I'm going to stop analyzing and re-analyzing past choices and actions, for they have already happened - hence I cannot change them.  All I can control is who I am and what I do right here, right now.  Life's hardest struggle is to learn how to be content - I mean truly, deep down happy - with who you are in the present and not worry about the past or the future.  I'm cutting ties, or at least starting to unravel the mess of strings tied to my past and stop trying to imagine what my patchwork quilt of life looks like before it is complete, and rather, enjoy choosing the patches and sewing them together day by day. 

My quilt of life will be beautiful when it is done - that I can guarentee.