“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”

~Anthony de Mello

The second I start feeling bad for myself, this is what appears...

So the minute I start to feel down and out about training and bitching commences, this is the email that magically hit my inbox.   You, the Kids of St. Jude, are the reason why I continue to run every week and take every step, one after another.  Thank you, St. Jude, for giving me a reason to run and continuing to run.  St. Jude Heroes run for a reason

"If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and watch a marathon." – Women's marathon pioneer Kathrine Switzer Dear St. Jude Hero, When you complete a marathon, half marathon or 5K for the children of St. Jude, you cross the finish line for a higher cause: Raising money for the research and treatment of children with cancer and other life-threatening diseases. Don't let your motivation run down.   Recharge your inspiration by watching this video about 7–year–old Anthony Lawrence, who bravely fights ependymoma with the help of St. Jude. St. Jude patient Anthony Lawrence (age 7, ependymoma)

My body hates me.

My whole body HURTS.  Every last little bit of it.  Marathon training is finally starting to take its toll on me physically, which is bleeding into my mental state.  I'm not becoming an angry, mean person, just tired.  Really freakin tired.  Ugh.  13 miles got done yesterday and it was almost the death of me.  2 hours 26 min.  In the heat and humidity of Philadelphia in the summer.  I do have to say though, running down Kelly Drive and by the Delaware River was quite nice for its scenary.  And the Philadelphia Art Museum is just Cool.  I wanted to run up the stairs like Rocky but didn't have time before the torrential downpours started.  Next time!  And there will be a next time now that I know how to get there, where to park, and where to run.  :)

Okay but really, I hurt. And I think I'm coming down with a sinus infection because my body hates me and so my immune system is just quitting.  Sleep.  I need more sleep.  I will work on that.  In the meantime, I'm popping some Aleve and Pseudofed, eating soup for lunch, and drinking lots of hot water with lemon.

Happy Monday!

Think, Pray. Appreciate.

You have no idea how happy and content I am becoming with my life.  It's crazy how things just start to fall into place.  I am in the best shape of my life, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually - and I only see this improving.  Amazing. 

Thoughts of vulnerability have also been swirling in my brain.  It's hard to be vulnerable and let others into your life to help.  A friend has recently come back into my life.  We were close at one point - very close.  It took me so long to break his outer shell and for him to let me in.  The minute he felt just the least bit too vulnerable he pulled back, put up a wall, and became dodgy.  For me, it's difficult to be his friend.  With him for some reason, it's hard for me to just take him on the surface.  I can see the hurt and pain of his past through his eyes.  And I wanted for so long to be that person he could trust and believe in... and he did until he became too vulnerable.  I wish our hearts and inner voices could be wiped clean, where the jadedness of past lives, past memories, and past loves and losses could be fixed with some pine sol and old fashioned elbow grease. Until I figure that out, I'm going to be there for him - without harshness or judgment - and hope that he can find his inner peace.   

I also saw the movie The Help yesterday.  What an inspiring, well-written and produced story.  Possibly one of the best movies I will see in my lifetime.  An overarching theme seemed to drive the storyline, a dichotomy, if you will.  I found that movie to show there are two types of people on this earth - those who are willing to sacrifice, help others, open up their hearts, and be vulnerable, and those who take others for granted like they are disposable.  I don't understand is how someone can treat others so harshly with such disrepect with little or no remorse.  We are all humans on this earth and we need to help each other - not tear each other down. This dichotomy seems to be the root cause of so many problems in this world from divorces to wars.

So what do we do to fix it?  My approach is one little bit at a time.  And no, I'm certainly not the tree-hugging, pot-smoking hippie who wants everyone to love each other.  I just think there needs to be more compassion and honesty of feelings in this world.  Help the blind man on the metro who needs to get to the elevator, instead of blatantly ignoring him.  Be a listening, patient, and encouraging ear for your friend, regardless of whether or not you completely agree with them.  Drop everything if you have a family member or friend in need.  That day at work is certainly less important than the support they need to lean on, or magically clean their house and/or make dinner while they tend to others.  Be vulnerable.  Be happy.  Be free and open.  Don't let the small digs get you down.  Go about your life living each day with intent to live in the present.  Do what you love.  Set goals, train/practice, and attain them.  Appreciate the love and support others give to you.  Life is certainly going to throw punches at you.  And you're going to take some hits, that's for sure.  The question is: How well can you bounce back from them?  How well can you do what's right while getting hit?  With each one, come back stronger.  Come back harder.  But don't lose your vulnerability.  Put yourself out there for the next hit, knowing you can take it. 

Love life.  Love others.  Love God.  Think. Pray. Appreciate.   

Running is Getting Better.

A running update finally!  Okay, so running has been going great!  I've been feeling like my fitness levels have been increasing and running is not as painful or awful as it was before.  In other words, I don't hate every step I take.  This is good progress for me.  I find that I have periods where I start to get in the groove and I just feel like I am coasting.  On longer runs this typically happens between 4 and 7 miles.  And my 3 mile runs are becoming much much easier.  I even ran on Monday without music and it wasn't a problem.  

With all of these great things said though, I have a 12 miler on Friday morning.  I'm scared.  I'm scared about over-heating, feeling like crap, and wanting to die.  I will be in pain afterward and probably in bed early on Friday night.  It's for the Kids of St. Jude though!  

Speaking of them, planning for the charity date auction is coming along.  I met with the ladies who work at the DC chapter of St. Jude on Friday.  They are being very helpful and informative and providing us with some St. Jude schwag.  Yay!  Next, I need to hear back from the events coordinator at the bar where this will be held and Friday I may start going from one restaurant to the next in hopes that they will donate gift certificates.  So probably the first really big important week in my training in terms of mileage and fundraising... wish me luck!  [Or as they say in Italian, augurimi la fortuna!]

And I almost forgot... see pics below from this weekend after my long run.  My weight on the scale is holding steady, but my body fat percent is falling while my muscle percent is creeping up!  And my clothes fit better!  Yay!  Go me!  [Please note: The long photos are taken with skinny mirrors, so it's a bit of an optical illusion.  I'm not that tall or skinny - hahah.  But I'll take it!]  

love love.  ~Mel

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I find that some people have such a hard time trusting and letting someone trust them.  Have you found people in life that just bewilder you because they can't trust?  I've been burned by people and have been scarred by it but for some reason I'm always able to go back and trust.  With age, it takes me a bit longer to find that vulnerability again but it always seems to come back.  

A much needed break.

With my time in Miami, I should have done some more writing and photo uploading and reading, but I really just didn’t feel like it.  I really felt like doing a whole lot of nothing.  So that is what I did and I feel much more relaxed and rejuvenated.  My spirit and aura are brighter and less frazzled.  My patience and thirst for life have been replenished.  (As Vicki Gunvalson would say, my love tank is still empty – but that’s another story for another day.  Ha!)   

A trip to Miami by myself was exactly what the doctor ordered.  Now I actually feel like I am bursting to write and read.  I revisited the book writing this past weekend after getting back to DC.  Before actually putting any more words on my virtual paper, I went back and reread some of what I have previously written, and I must say, it’s pretty damn good.  It’s funny, whitty, and rather clearly written.  I’m impressed with myself!  I also started to read this quite funny memoir called Mennonite in the Little Black Dress by Rhonda Janzen.  It’s quite funny, somewhat brash, and refreshing – it reminds me of my own style of writing.  I mention this because it inspires me to keep writing knowing that there are similar styles of writing that have been published.

With that said, I’m also back at work.  Really, really did not want to come into my office this morning.  Had Sunday Syndrome in full effect yesterday – the hangover, the anxiety for the work week to start, the desire for just one more day of the weekend to just lay in bed and do nothing.  Full on Sunday Syndrome.  It’s not too bad to be back though.  Decided to ease back into the whole work thing.  Doing my rounds and catching up with everyone and taking my time going through my inbox.  I just found out (about 2 hours ago) that my position at work will likely be expanded and so I get to learn new skills and increase my portfolio.  I’m excited!  

Coming up next, a Miami post with some cool pics from my trip and an update on running and the charity date auction.  Fun fun!  

Did I mention that I may just start posting song lyrics??  I’m obsessed with several songs at the moment – all country.  Who am I?  Where did this girl come from?  Country???  Yes, country.  You heard me right.  I like it now.  Another topic for another day…

Okay, Happy Monday!

"People won't remember what you say or did, they will remember how you make them feel" - Maya Angelou

 

Working on finding forgiveness in my heart, letting down my pride and apologizing for the wrongs that I have done and accepting that no one is perfect.  All we can do is be real with our feelings, our words, and express them to the ones that matter.  Finding my inner strength to be vulnerable... 

With that said, the tough, fiesty, little Italian in me, loves this song... HA.  Enjoy.